Weird Book of the Week

Posted on: December 29, 2008 | Ryan Reynolds | Comments Off | Print Article | Rate Post:

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Ah the scarf. Simple. Timeless. Elegant. Scarfy.

The plethora of pleasing adjectives for scarfs is as long as, well, the world’s longest scarf. (33.74 miles to be exact) And a scarf’s uses, one can rest assured, are as varied as they are plentiful. In Sensational Scarfs by Carol Straley, she covers 44 of these. The rest are up to you. Though one thing the book doesn’t cover, to my great dismay, is sensational scarfs for animals. I can think of more than a few California pugs that have been consistent trend-setters in the canine fashion world for some time now who would be mighty upset about that omission.

But let’s do a quick fashion check here before we continue. Are you wearing a scarf? Or is there at least one within arm’s reach? If not, then I suggest you take some personal time today to correct a serious, and quite frankly unforgivable, fashion faux pas. (Really? Not even a backpack back-up?)

You know, for me fashion has always been about the accessories, and while accessorizing the masculine way can be a narrow road at times, it is merely one more small challenge along the path of the well-groomed man. And besides, we’re not waxing backs here. This is a painless fix that will impress even the frumpiest of frauleins.

Wearing socks with sandals on a summer day? A straw hat before Spring? Maybe even, and I dearly hope not, an ill-fitting turtleneck with horizontal stripes? Then you my friend, are in violation of countless laws of fashion and are in immediate need of a scarf. Yes, really! A simple scarf is the magic cure-all for all sorts of ills.

From uniboobs to chest hair fountains, the scarf is friend to one and all. The accessory that’s something more; it’s a scarf that lets you access what you need to rise and shine above your day with pride. That’s right! Scarfs! (I get a dollar for every scarf in this article from the yarn store. Bear with me here) Yes, the word that’s awfully fun to say is even more fantastic fun to wear. Scarf scarf scarf…scarf! And besides, you can’t spell fcars without scarf, and fspelling is fun!

But enough of that. Truly now, coming from a man who knits (and I can knit like the wind blows), you have to hand it to any homemade present that is guaranteed to melt a woman’s heart. And with Valentine’s Day coming up, now might be the time to start for all you ham-fisted fellas out there. You don’t even have to call it knitting if you feel funny about it. Why not say, “I’m using these dangerously pointy sticks to tie the wool of a wild sheep into 10,000 knots for my lady friend.” Sound better?

So clearly the scarf is a marvelous thing. From the pillars of fashion in Sao Paulo, to the knowledgeable Knit Wits about town, you won’t want to be left out in the cold these long and wintry months ahead. Go ahead and wrap a scarf around your neck and smile. You look sensational!